Have you been affected by sexual violence? Kua pāngia koe?

If you've had an unwanted sexual experience, or you want to help someone who has, then there are plenty of support options available. The important thing is that you're safe, and to understand it wasn't your fault and that this can happen to anyone.

People ask, 'Why didn't you tell?'. As if that's simple. I can tell you that I told a million times in my head. I had many conversations in my head trying to find the words.

Nikki

What is Sexual Violence?


Sexual violence is often committed by someone known to the victim-survivor and might not include violence. It can occur within relationships or marriage. Anyone can be a victim of sexual violence regardless of their age, gender, status, culture, ability or sexuality.

Sexual violence includes:

  • any unwanted touching, such as a kiss 
  • vaginal, anal or oral penetration.
  • forcing someone to watch or make pornography.
  • forcing you to touch them. 
  • forcing someone to do something sexual, such as masturbate.
  • image based sexual abuse
    Sharing intimate content of someone without their permission (even if the content was made with permission).
    View the full glossary
    , or what most know as ' revenge pornography
    Sharing intimate content of someone without their permission (even if the content was made with permission).
    View the full glossary
    ' e.g sending a nude photo to someone else without the permission of the person in the photo. This can include images, videos or voice recordings. For more information and help visit Netsafe(external link).

Giving your consent:
A person consents to sexual activity if they do it actively, freely, voluntarily and consciously without being pressured into it. In New Zealand the age of consent
Giving permission for something to happen. A person doesn't have to verbally say 'no' or fight back to show they haven't consented.
View the full glossary
is 16.

Some notes on consent:

  • you don't have to say ‘no’ out loud or fight back to show you don't consent - submission isn't the same as cooperation.
  • if you weren't able to say no for any reason, then you didn't give consent - this includes if you were asleep, drugged or drunk.
  • if you allow something to happen because of physical force, threats or the fear of force (to you or your family/friends), then that's not giving consent.
  • if you did agree at first but changed your mind - you're allowed to withdraw your consent at any time.
  • if the person takes the sexual act further than you agreed to, then you haven't consented.
  • if you thought the person was someone else, that's not consenting.
  • if you're affected by an intellectual, mental or physical condition which means you can't consent or refuse.

Here are a couple of videos that explain the idea of consent; what it is, how it's given, and how it's withdrawn:


Also, here's a great video that talks about consent using a "cup of tea" as an analogy. 

 

MYTH: She's a sex worker, she can't be raped...

FACT: Sex workers have the same right as any other person to give and withdraw consent. Consent for one thing, doesn't mean consent for everything.

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