Have you been affected by sexual violence? Kua pāngia koe?

If you've had an unwanted sexual experience, or you want to help someone who has, then there are plenty of support options available. The important thing is that you're safe, and to understand it wasn't your fault and that this can happen to anyone.

What is Sexual Violence?

Sexual violence is often committed by someone known to the victim-survivor and might not include violence. It can occur within relationships or marriage. Anyone can be a victim of sexual violence regardless of their age, gender, status, culture, ability or sexuality.

Sexual violence includes:

  • any unwanted touching, such as a kiss
  • vaginal, anal or oral penetration
  • being forced to penetrate someone or something
  • being forced to watch or make pornography
  • being forced to touch others
  • being forced to do something sexual, such as masturbate
  • image based sexual abuse
    Sharing intimate content of someone without their permission (even if the content was made with permission).
    View the full glossary
    , or what most know as ' revenge pornography
    Sharing intimate content of someone without their permission (even if the content was made with permission).
    View the full glossary
    ' e.g sending a nude photo to someone else without the permission of the person in the photo. This can include images, videos or voice recordings. For more information and help visit Netsafe.

People ask, 'Why didn't you tell?'. As if that's simple. I can tell you that I told a million times in my head. I had many conversations in my head trying to find the words.

Nikki

 

Giving your consent:
A person consents to sexual activity if they do it actively, freely, voluntarily and consciously without being pressured into it. In New Zealand the age of consent
Giving permission for something to happen. A person doesn't have to verbally say 'no' or fight back to show that they haven't consented.
View the full glossary
is 16.

Some notes on consent:

  • you don't have to say ‘no’ out loud or fight back to show you don't consent - submission isn't the same as cooperation.
  • if you weren't able to say no for any reason, then you didn't give consent - this includes if you were asleep, drugged or drunk.
  • if something happened because of physical force, threats or the fear of force/harm (to you or your family/friends), then that's not giving consent.
  • if you did agree at first but changed your mind - you're allowed to withdraw your consent at any time.
  • if the person takes the sexual act further than you agreed to, then you haven't consented.
  • if you thought the person was someone else, that's not consenting.
  • if something happens and you're affected by a severe intellectual, mental or physical condition which means you're unable to legally consent or refuse - then this is not consenting

Here are a couple of videos that explain the idea of consent; what it is, how it's given, and how it's withdrawn:


Also, here's a great video that talks about consent using a "cup of tea" as an analogy. 

 

MYTH: But women can't sexually assault men...

FACT: An offender can be male or female and may not need to overpower a victim; they may use manipulation and threatening behaviour, or the victim/survivor may have a freeze response or be incapable of giving consent.

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